Hold On
by imgoingtocallyoufern
Summary: "The thing is, dying is unpleasant. We all know that fact to be true. But death is exceedingly more unpleasant when it's stretched out over long, arduous weeks of waiting for someone or something to come and save you." [Kensi's kidnapping]


_'God, am I really dying?' _Kensi wonders.

Maybe, maybe not. Whatever the answer is, It sure as hell feels like it.

At the very least, this is what she's always_ imagined_ death would feel like. Every limb sore, every inch of skin caked in dried blood.

She is also alone. No, _truly _alone. Weeks have passed and yet still- no dramatic rescue. No shaggy haired blond detective busting through the door to come find her.

Whenever Kensi's captors leave, she tends to just sit in her chair and cry. Sometimes the tears will come, and other times they won't. It all depends on the day. In the beginning, she'd spent the majority of her alone time searching for some means of escape. But seeing as there was (and is) literally no way out, Kensi decided not to waste her time.

Now she spends it thinking about life, particularly her _own_ life- the things that she's done and people she's loved. The people she _still_ loves.

That's usually when the tears begin to flow.

The thing is, dying is unpleasant. We all know that fact to be true. But death is exceedingly _more_ unpleasant when it's stretched out over long, arduous weeks of waiting for someone or something to come and save you. And as each day ticks by and you find that you're still alone, it becomes harder and harder to hold out hope for a happy ending.

There's a chance that they could come, though. The team had to be looking for her. And Deeks- he would never give up on her. She knew that well.

Then suddenly- gunshots ring out in the hallway. Kensi's heart begins to race, blood pumping through her veins so quickly that it makes her head spin. She's daydreamed this scenario so many times that it's difficult to separate fact from fiction.

But as Deeks kicks the door down and charges towards her, his legs buckling as he kneels just in front of the chair that has constricted her for weeks, Kensi _knows_ that he's real.

Deeks appears utterly horrified by her predicament, but once she shows him the tiniest hint of a tearful smile, he returns the gesture.

One of his hands gently cups her cheek, instantly warming the cold flesh.

"We're goin' home, Kens."

She nods slowly, unable to wipe away the single tear that begins to stream down her cheek. Deeks catches it, flicking the water droplet off of her face before yelling- "I've got her!"

"Alive?" Callen hollers back.

The hairs on the back of Kensi's neck stand up straight. It's just such an eerie thing to hear, especially when it's your own mortality that's being questioned.

Deeks gives her another smile as he begins to untie her hands and feet.

"Yes!" he responds, and then quietly adds, "Very beautiful, and very alive."

Kensi chokes on a small cry. A short staccato burst of laughter follows, seeming misplaced in the midst of so much turmoil. She can't help but notice that, as Deeks attempts to release her from her binds, his hands are shaking. He can hardly breathe, let alone focus on untying complex knots.

They both thought they weren't ever going to see the other again. Deeks still has yet to recover from the potential loss, and Kensi- well, she hasn't even gotten a chance to try.

Finally, the ropes fall to the floor. Kensi lifts her hands and starts rubbing her wrists, which are throbbing with a burning, searing pain that shoots through each of her fingers. She makes no attempt to stand, though.

"Can you walk?" Deeks asks finally. He isn't sure that he actually _wants_ to hear the answer.

She tries to speak for the first time, but the words will hardly even come out.

"I-um, I don't…" Jesus. Even her throat hurts. Hardly a sip of water in two whole days will do that to you. "I don't know."

That's enough of an answer for him. "Okay. I've got you."

In a single fluid motion Deeks peels off his bulletproof vest, slips one arm around her shoulders and places the other beneath her knees.

"You ready?"

Kensi nods and he slowly, almost hesitantly lifts her frame, which is unbelievably light. Deeks shudders, knowing that his partner can't weigh more than eighty pounds.

You see, he endured horrendous torture for a couple of hours- and that was more than enough. The idea of her going through that kind of pain, day after day for weeks on end is practically debilitating.

But Deeks forces himself to walk and Kensi drops her head onto his chest, closing her eyes as they move. She doesn't want to see where she was being held, she doesn't want to know if any other members of her team managed to get themselves kidnapped. Not yet, at least.

For right now, all Kensi wants to do is keep herself close to the person she was most afraid of losing.

"I'm so sorry," he murmurs after a long moment of traveling in silence. She assumes that Sam and Callen are nearby, and that's why he's keeping his voice low.

"For what?" she replies, her throat dry and croaky.

He hesitates before responding in a small, somewhat broken whisper. "I'm your partner. It's my job to keep you safe."

Kensi wraps her thin, frail fingers around the fabric of his tee shirt. "You're here now. That's all that matters."

He closes his eyes and plants a kiss to her forehead. Kensi bites her bottom lip as tears threaten to spill over. "I thought you were dead."

She struggles to retain her composure. "So did I."

More footsteps approach, ones that match Deeks' rhythm. This means it isn't one of her captors- she doesn't have to be scared any longer.

"The building's been cleared," Sam says. Kensi instantly recognizes his voice.

She opens her eyes a crack and manages to croak out a quiet, "Thank you.

Sam and Callen both nod, giving her halfhearted smiles. Kensi knows she must look like a corpse.

Deeks comes to a slow and gradual stop. She glances around, looking for an explanation, but her partner quickly provides one.

"Guys? It's freezing out there. Go get her something from the helo, okay?"

The two agents scamper off and for a short moment, it's silent. Then Kensi asks- "We've got air support?"

Deeks grins down at her. "You're pretty damn special. Hetty pulled out all the stops."

She chuckles and dammit, it still hurts like hell. Before Kensi can try and say anything else, they aren't alone anymore.

"Here," Callen mutters softly.

A blanket is wrapped around her shoulders, holding in any and all remaining body warmth she may still have.

"Alright," he says once she's situated. "Let's go."

The moment they step outside, Kensi's awakened fully by the roar of a helicopter engine. Deeks jogs towards it and gingerly steps inside, clutching tightly to his partner's frame.

He takes a seat inside the aircraft but continues holding onto Kensi even after they've left the ground, knowing that once they get back to the base he's going to be forced into letting her go, so that the medics can look her over.

Deeks doesn't want to think about that yet. Frankly, he'd be happy to stay like this, forever- with the knowledge that she is, in fact, still breathing.

It's all that matters.


End file.
